Give Yourself The Gift Of Limits

Sometimes, I tackle more complex topics. 

This is one of them.

I have a very special message for you today, and it’s directed to a very special audience.  I’m dedicating this special message to the approval addict, the chronically nice, the people pleaser, and anyone else who needs to love themselves more.  These are people who lack Personal Boundaries.

A person without Boundaries doesn’t like himself.  In his hunger for love, he’ll bend over backwards to make other people like him. He’ll lose his own personality to please others.  Because he’s allergic to conflict, he won’t speak out his wishes or opinions.  He fears angry, intimidating people.  He usually gets trapped in enmeshed relationships.  He allows himself to be abused by Controllers.

Solution?  Give yourself the gift of limits.  When you give yourself the Gift of Limits, you end up giving the world a bigger Gift of Love.  If you don’t build your boundaries, then you won’t help anyone—including yourself.

         Let me explain what boundaries are…

What Are Boundaries?The Fence Around Your Life

Boundaries are your sense of self.  It’s your love for yourself.  It’s your self-value, self-concept, self-definition. 

Boundaries are like the protective Fence around the property of your life. A physical Fence prevents harmful stuff—like snakes, or rabid dogs, or vandals, or thieves—from entering your property.  A psychological Fence does the same thing—it prevents harmful habits and harmful people from entering your life.

1. Harmful Habits

Remember, addictions are a hunger for love.  When you don’t value yourself, you’ll allow harmful habits to come and steal away your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

I remember talking to a beautiful girl.  After chatting for awhile, she said, “Excuse me Bo, but I have to puff my cancer stick.”  I felt so sad her.  Smoking is bad enough.  To call a cigarette a cancer stick is so much worse. Because our body is very obedient.  It will simply follow what you tell it to produce.

2. Harmful People

         If you don’t value yourself, you allow harmful people to steal away your time, or your health, or your peace, or your purity, or your freedom, or your money, or your dignity…

         This is difficult to do because we believe that good people always say YES.  After all, Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”  (Matthew 16:24)

Hey, if you’re emotionally healthy, you should follow this call right away.  But what if you’re not emotionally healthy?  If you’re an emotionally broken person without personal boundaries, following this call right away will be a disaster.

A broken person is attracted to a religion that says, “Deny to yourself!” and “Die to yourself!” because he doesn’t like himself.  Question: How can you deny yourself and die to yourself when you don’t even have a self?”

But that’s what some broken people do.  These boundary-less people don’t love themselves, yet they try to give love in an effort to gain love.  And they end up even more broken.

Before you deny yourself, build your boundaries!  Before you give love to others, receive God’s Love to heal your brokenness, give you a powerful sense of self, and teach you how to love yourself.

Once you’ve built your boundaries, then you can deny yourself for others not based on fear but on real love.

Help Yourself So You Can Help Others

That’s why I love the Good Samaritan story.

I’m struck how Sammie had good boundaries. (Sorry, Jesus didn’t give us a name, so let’s call the guy Sammie.)  How do I know he has good boundaries?  Jesus included this important detail in the story: The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’  (Luke 10:37)

I find this little factoid absolutely fascinating.  Jesus could have said, “And Sammie stayed with the injured man for three days until he recovered.”  But that wasn’t what He said.  Jesus said that Sammie delegated the injured man to the innkeeper because he had to take care of his own business.  I don’t know what business he was in.  Perhaps he was selling Ipads and had to see a customer in the next town.

Sammie probably said, “This isn’t the last guy I’ll be helping on the road.  There’ll be more injured, wounded, poor guys along my path.  So I need to continue my little business so that I’ll be able to help more people.”

I pick out two powerful lessons here.

First Lesson: When you help others, you should never forget helping yourself.  Don’t kill the Goose that lays the Golden Egg.  The Goose is you.  The Golden Eggs is your service.  Take care of you so that you can continue to serve.

Second Lesson: When you help others, do it with a team.  Don’t try to do everything by yourself or you’ll burn out.  Give yourself the gift of limits and you’ll be able to give a bigger gift of love to the world.

The 4 Most Common Broken Fences In Your Life

How do you build your Boundaries? 

After 30+ years of helping people, I’ve noticed 4 of the most common areas where we have broken Boundaries.  These are like broken fences where thieves enter and steal God’s blessings from your life:

1.   Our Money Fence is Broken

2.   Our Body Fence is Broken

3.   Our Friendship Fence is Broken

4.   Our Helping Fence is Broken

1. Our Money Fence Is Broken

It’s your personal responsibility to build your finances.

In our old way of thinking, Christians should never think about money.  I think that’s nuts.  When you help others, you should help yourself financially.  That’s not selfishness, that’s self-love.

If you’re a parent, then let me speak to you.  I know you love your kids.  But don’t spend everything for your kids.  Give yourself the gift of limits. You need to set aside a portion of your income for your future personal needs.  Because if you don’t invest for yourself, you’ll end up burdening your adult children to pay for your old age.   You want to be grow old and grow rich at the same time.

2. Our Body Fence Is Broken

I see this so often: When mothers no longer have time for themselves because of the children’s needs.

Don’t do that.  Or you’ll burn out.

My message to mothers:  Eat the right food.  Take vacations.  Exercise.  Take time to pray.  And see to it that you have “alone” times.  And time to be with your girlfriends.  I love it when my wife goes out with her girlfriends.  Because I know that when she comes home, her Love Tank is full, and she has much love to give to me and the boys.

I see this same “burning out” among Christian Leaders.  If you’re a Christian leader, be like Sammie.  Delegate.  Work as a Team.  Meet your physical needs.  Watch what you eat.  Establish an exercise program.  And take vacations.  It isn’t a sin to ask for one!

3. Our Friendship Fence Is Broken

         When you were growing up, your mother told you, “Choose your friends.”  I’m going to say the same thing to you.

         Don’t just spend time with the people who are most available to you or with the people that’s right in front of you.  Be deliberate with who you spend your time.  Because your future will be shaped by the people you hang out with.

         First, there are Nourishing Friends.  After hanging out with them, you feel inspired.  You leave their presence encouraged.  Enlightened.  Elevated.

         Second, there are Negative Friends.  After spending time with them, you feel drained.  Deflated.  Depleted.  Discouraged.  Damaged.  And sometimes, devastated.

         If Nourishing Friends are Terrific Friends, then Negative Friends are Toxic Friends.

         It’s their negativity that saps our energy.  They complain a lot.  They love to criticize others.  They love pointing out the faults of others.

Here’s my advice: Love yourself and avoid Toxic People.  Life is short!  You only have a short time on planet earth.  Hang out with the people that nourish you.

         Some Christians think that because God calls us to love all sorts of people, we have no choice but to spend time with the Toxic people 24 hours a day.  We feel guilty and think, “My gosh, if God chose to spend time with the lovable only, then He wouldn’t have spent time with me.”

         But that’s precisely the point.  You’re not God.  You have limits.  Love yourself and give yourself the gift of limits.

         Look.  I’m not saying, “Don’t love Toxic people.”  We should.  But if you’re spending 80% of your time with Toxic people and 20% of your time with Terrific people, you need to invert the proportions.  Be deliberate in choosing who you hang out with. 

4. Our Helping Is Broken

We don’t know how to help others.  Many times, our helping doesn’t help at all.  It doesn’t help the person we’re helping and it doesn’t help the helper.

The wisdom of the Bible can fix this.  The Bible is brilliant.  I find it amazing how a 2000-year-old text contains practical solutions to modern psychological problems.  (Actually, they’re not really modern—they’re just named in a modern way.)

Take Galatians 5.  This chapter contains two seemingly opposing instructions.  In verse 2, it says Carry each other’s burdens… And then in verse 5, just three verses after, it says for each one should carry his own load.

At first, I was confused.  Do we help or do we not help? 

The Answer is in the Greek text.  If you look at the original Greek translation, it’s clear.  “Burden” means Boulder.  And “Load” means Knapsack.

So the literal Greek Translation can be like this: “Carry each other’s BOULDER… for each one should carry his KNAPSACK.”

Meaning? 

Help those who CAN’T carry their burden—But don’t help those who can but WON’T. 

In other words, don’t take on the personal responsibilities of other people.  If you do, your helping isn’t really helping, but harming.

Let me give you an example.  If you’re a mother, you brush the teeth of your toddler.  But at a certain point, you ask your child to take personal responsibility for brushing his teeth.  It will be very awkward if you still brush the teeth of your 27-year old.  There’s something bizarre if Mom says, “Son, open your mouth.  Wider please.  I need to reach your left molar.  So, how was your sales presentation this morning?”

Give yourself the gift of Limits by knowing where your responsibility ends and where the other person’s responsibility begins.

A Story With A Big Question

         I read this story from Rabbi Edwin Friedman. I got the main concept but changed a few details:

Imagine you’re standing on a bridge. 

Suddenly, a man comes running to you with a rope tied around his waist.  He hands you the end of a rope, and asks, “Can you hold this for me?  Really tight, okay?” 

“Uh, okay,” you answer, not understanding why.  When you hold the rope, he walks to the edge of the bridge and jumps off! 

You’re stunned.  You pull the rope with all your might to prevent him from falling further into the water beneath the bridge. 

“Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!” he screams from below. 

You answer back, “You’re crazy!  Why did you do that?  Climb up the rope!”

He says, “You’re now responsible for my life!  Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!”

You look around.  There’s no place to tie the rope.  The guy was right—he was now your responsibility!  But you feel your strength weakening…

Here’s my big question: What will you do?

Tough Love

         There are certain people in this world that will give you their own knapsack (not boulder) and ask you to carry it for them.

But if you’re a person with no boundaries, you’ll take their knapsack or responsibility, thinking this is what Christian Love is.  But actually, you may be helping not because you love, but because you want to be loved.

         Many years ago, I was helping a very poor family.  So I hired the father to work for me as a messenger.  But he wasn’t doing his job well.  No matter how his supervisor coached him, he didn’t want to work even to satisfy the basic requirements.  Plus, everyone in the company didn’t like to work with him anymore.

         So I had this problem: Do I let him go?  But his job was the only thing that fed his family.  Guilt prevented me from firing him.  But something in me told me I should.

         And that was when I realized something.  What if my helping was no longer helping but harming?  What if I was holding him back from changing his life?   I realized that the job I gave was his comfort zone.  If he stayed there, he would never change for the next 30 years.  It was clear that he would remain a mediocre messenger for the rest of his life. But if he no longer had that comfort zone, there was this slight chance that he would be forced to change.  By not firing him, I was preventing this chance (no matter how slim) from happening.

Here’s my lesson: Don’t always save people from the painful consequences of their decisions.  (It was his decision to be an inefficient messenger, not mine.)  Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to allow a person to experience the bad results of his bad choices.

The Bible talks about Tough Love.

St. Paul said, If one will not work, neither let him eat.  (2 Thessalonians 3:10)  Pretty harsh, don’t you think?  But that’s the point.  That harshness may be the trigger that will force him to change his life. 

The Bible also says, A worker’s appetite works for him, for his hunger urges him on.  (Proverbs 16:26)  Don’t always save people from their hunger.  Because that hunger may move him to change.

         Let me now go back to the story of the bridge and, just like a few Filipino Telenovelas, offer you two endings.

First Version: Happy Ending

The man hanging from the rope screams again, “Don’t let go or I die.  I’m now your responsibility!”

You shout, “I refuse to make your life my responsibility!  You were the one who jumped off the bridge in the first place.  I warn you, you have probably five more minutes to climb up here.  After that, my physical strength would be gone.  When that happens, I have no choice but to let you go!”

The man shouts, “No, I am your responsibility.  If you let go, I die!  You can’t let go…”

After five minutes, your strength is gone.  Your arms collapse and you let go.  The rope slips through your bleeding hands.  The man screams and falls into the water. 

Surprisingly, he doesn’t die.  He swims to shore.  At that moment, he has an “Aha” moment.  He realizes he should stop jumping off bridges.  He changes his life.

         Now for the second version…

Second Version: Tragic Ending

         You scream to the man, “I can’t hold on anymore!  I probably have five more minutes before I lose all my strength…”

         The man screams back, “You have to hold on.  If you let go, I die.  And my blood will be in your hands.”

         Stricken by fear, you tie the rope around your waist—and you hold on for as long as you can.

But slowly, you’re getting weaker.  You feel dizzy.  Your body inches towards the edge of the bridge.  And then it happens—you fall off the bridge.

         The man you were trying to rescue hits the water first.  He does not die.  He swims to shore.  But when you hit the water, you could not swim because you were so weak. 

And you drown and die.

Dealing With Controllers

         Obviously, I like version one.

         But you’ll be surprised how many people follow version two.

         The man who jumped off the bridge is what you call a Controller.  A Controller doesn’t respect the boundaries of another person.  He wants to impose his will on you.

         There are two types of Controllers in this world.  The AggressiveController and the Manipulative Controller.  (The man with the rope was a Manipulative Controller.)  To control you, the Manipulative Controller uses guilt while the Aggressive Controller uses anger.

         And the only way to deal with a Controller?

Love yourself and give yourself the Gift of Limits.

For many decades, I’ve received the “ropes” of other people and held on.  How could I let go?  I’m a Christian.  I’m a Christian Leader.  With much guilt, I held onto the ropes of other people.  But along the way, I felt exhausted, empty, and even depressed.

That’s when I realized I wasn’t really loving.

Soon, I realized that I need to help myself so I can help others.  When I have a healthy sense of self, then I can freely CHOOSE to deny that self, die to myself, and live for others. 

I give myself to others not because of fear or shame or guilt. 

I give myself to others because I truly love.

        May your dreams come true,

         Bo Sanchez

How Much Are You Worth?

I have a friend who gave me a pen for my birthday. 

It has my name inscribed on it. It feels solid, heavy, and durable. The pen manufacturer even offers a Lifetime Guarantee. If it malfunctions, I can mail it back to them and they’ll repair it for me, good as brand new.

          How much does the pen cost? 

P2000. 

Most of my pens are P20 each—so that’s expensive for me.

But I had the shock of my life when two months ago, I gave a talk in a company, and in gratitude, they gave me a pen worth P20,000.

          The price was ridiculous to me. I couldn’t believe it. I showed it to my wife and asked her, “What makes this pen worth P20,000? Will it solve my personal problems?”

“No, it won’t,” she said.

“Will it solve world hunger? Climate change? The plight of penguins in the Antartica?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Will the pen make me earn passive income?”

“I doubt it.”

“Will it make me more handsome, as if that’s possible?”

“You can’t improve perfection, Dear…” (After 14 years, I’ve successfully brainwashed my wife.)

“So, what can this P20,000 pen do?” I asked her.

“I have a strong suspicion that it can write…”

       “Wow. That’s…uh, amazing.”

After our conversation, I did some research on the Internet. Here’s what I found out: The technology that made the P2000 pen is exactly the same technology that made the P20,000 pen.

       There’s only one difference…

1. The Manufacturer Sets the Price

       The difference is the Manufacturer.

Manufacturer of Pen A decided, “This is worth P2000.” And Manufacturer of Pen B decided, “This is worth P20,000.”

The Manufacturer sets the price. The Manufacturer determines the value. The Manufacturer defines the worth.

Manufacturer B says, “I only make P20,000 pens. So this is a P20,000 pen.”

I’ve got news for you. God is your Manufacturer. 

And He tells you now, “You’re not worth P20,000. You’re not worth P20 million or P20 billion or P20 trillion or P20 gazillion. You are worth all of Heaven, because I disrobed my Divinity and became a baby in manger. You are worth all the mountains and hills and valleys and oceans, because you’re the Masterpiece of my Creation. You are worth all the stars and galaxies combined together, because you’re more beautiful than this entire universe. You are worth every drop of my blood, because I gave my life on the Cross.”

Because you’re valuable…

2. Protect What Is Valuable

Imagine if a stranger comes along and says, “Bo, may I borrow a pen?” I don’t know the guy from Adam.

Tell me, will I give him my P2000 pen or my P20,000 pen?

Of course, I’ll give him my P20 pen!

But when he gets my pen, he manhandles it. He pounds it on the table, complains it doesn’t write, and starts hitting it like it was a drumstick.

He returns it to me, broken, and asks, “Do you have another pen?

Question: Do you think I’ll give him my P2000 pen or P20,000 pen?

Over my dead body!

Because I know how much the pen is worth, I’ll guard it. I won’t let anyone abuse it. 

In fact, I’ll put it in a nice case. I’ll keep it in my bag. I’ll shine it and protect it.

In the same way, you now know how much you are worth. So care for yourself. Guard yourself. Protect yourself. Preserve yourself. Build your Boundaries! Give yourself the gift of limits. Don’t abuse yourself and don’t allow anyone to abuse you.

Love yourself!

3. You Come With a Lifetime Guarantee

Only things of great value come with Lifetime Guarantees. My P20 pen doesn’t have a Lifetime Guarantee.

But you, because you’re valuable, come with a Lifetime Guarantee. When you malfunction, you can go back to the Manufacturer anytime, and He’ll repair you. He’ll fix you up. He’ll make you brand new.

Which reminds me of a story my friend Pio told me.

One day, Pio’s American brother-in-law Doug stayed in his house. Being hospitable, Pio and his wife Bebot gave Doug the master’s bedroom. (By the way, Filipinos have a difficult time pronouncing Doug’s name. He always feels like a pet.)

One morning, Pio was in the master’s bedroom, tidying up. That was when he was shocked to see, thrown in the trashcan, Doug’s watch. He picked it up and brought it to Doug.

“Doug,” Pio said, “your watch accidentally fell on the trash can…”

Doug said, “Pio, it’s not working anymore. I threw it away.”

Pio was taken aback. He said, “Doug, you’re in the Philippines. We can repair this watch.”

Doug shook his head and said, “I don’t want to repair it. I threw it away. Look, if you want it, it’s yours!”

Pio said, “Thanks!” He then turned around, placed his hand over the watch, and prayed over it. “Shalalala…..” He shook it and placed it near his ear—and voila—it started to work again!

When Pio told me this story, I realized how blessed I am that God is like Pio, not like Doug.

If God were like Doug, I would be in the trash bin by now. How many times have I malfunctioned? How many times have I failed? How many times have I sinned?

But God refuses to throw me away.

He insists on repairing me. Because when He created me, He gave me a Lifetime Guarantee.

Friend, you’re valuable to God.

And He won’t throw you away.

He will keep you forever. I have loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

Keep Him forever in your heart as well.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Be Grateful Even When It’s Difficult

Once upon a time, in one of the islands of the Philippines, there was a young tree. It was the only tree in that island.

This lovely tree had long branches with leaves too many to count.

       It was a happy tree. It liked looking at the green plains below and the blue sea surrounding the island.

       But one day, the tree noticed that one of its leaves was turning brown. What was going on? This was the first time it happened. It never experienced it before. The tree began to panic.

Soon, more leaves became brown.

And then the impossible happened: One brown leaf snapped off its twig and fell to the ground.

The horrors!

Soon, more leaves fell. He counted them. Gasp! He couldn’t believe it. In one day, 6 leaves fell off from his branches. The next day, another 9 fell. The day after that, 12 more fell. On and on they kept falling.

He was losing so many leaves each day, he blurted out, “I’m dying!”   Everyday, with great anxiety, he stared on the growing mound of brown leaves gathering around His roots. 

He began to lose hope and wanted to end his life.

       That was when a bird flew by…

Three Messages From The Bird

The feathered creature perched onto one of the tree’s branches. The bird asked, “What’s wrong? Why are you so sad?”

       The tree said, “I’m dying.”

“Why do you say that?” the bird asked.

“I’m losing all my leaves! I’ve lost 94 already…”

        The bird was taken aback. “You don’t know do you?” He looked around and realized why. “You haven’t seen another tree in your life. You’re all alone here. My dear friend, what you’re experiencing is something that every other tree in the world experiences.”

“Huh?”

The bird smiled and said, “ I want to give you three messages today.”

“I’m listening,” the tree answered.

1) More Blessings Than Problems

“First, you say you’ve already lost 94 leaves. You count the number of leaves that you’ve lost. Count now the number of leaves that are still on your branches…”

The tree went about counting. “1, 2, 3, 4….” When he reached 300, he said, “I can’t count them. I have too many leaves!” The tree wasn’t crying anymore.

“Then you’re learning a very important truth. Remember that you’ll always have more blessings than problems. Problems seem more because you count them, you measure them, and you analyze them everyday. But when you count your blessings, you’ll realize that your blessings will outnumber your problems. Always!”

May I interrupt this story by another story?

I was reading about Roger Crawford. When he was born, he had a genetic defect. He was born without two hands and without a left leg. 

But despite his disability, he became a professional Tennis player in America. He became a champion?

How could he play Tennis without two hands and a left leg? I don’t know. But he did.

You see, Roger never complained, “Lord, why don’t I have hands and a left leg?” Instead, he said, “Lord, thank you for what I have. I have arms and I have one leg. What will you do with what I have?”

Roger didn’t bother counting the leaves that fell off his branches. He celebrated the many leaves that remained in his branches.

Let’s go back to my story…

2) More Space For New Blessings

The bird said, “Here’s my second message. I want you to look at your branches. Specifically, at the empty space where your leaves fell from. Do you see them?”

“Yes.”

“Are they really empty.”

“Yes, they’re empty. A leaf was there before…”

“Look closer,” said the bird, “because it’s not really empty…”

That was when the tree said, “Well, I see tiny leaves sprouting in the same place where my old leaves fell from.”

The bird nodded, “If your old leaves didn’t fall, there wouldn’t have been space for new leaves to sprout in your branches. If you want better things to happen in your life, some older things will have to go first.”

“I now understand,” the tree smiled.

Let me interrupt this story again and tell you that this is how life works.

Thank God for empty spaces in your life.

Perhaps a relationship ended this year. Perhaps a boyfriend left you. Thank God and believe that someone new, someone better, will be walking into your life.

Perhaps you lost your job this year. Perhaps your company folded up. Perhaps you were retrenched. Thank God and believe that you’ll get a better job and company very soon!

I remember two women whose husbands left them. Both of their husbands found another woman and walked out of their lives.

       Both were devastated.

       But both had a very different attitude. One followed the grumbling path and the other followed the grateful path.

       One woman cried, “My husband left me. My life is now over.”

       But the other woman said, “My husband left me. My life is just beginning…”

       Like this woman, don’t ever give up. Don’t say, “My life is over.” Say instead, “My life is about to begin.” Because new growth happens only if there are empty spaces in your life.

3) More Nourishment From Your Growth

The bird chirped, “And now for my last message. Do you notice what happens to your brown leaves?” the bird asked.

“They rot,” the tree shrugged, looking at the mound of brown leaves around its roots.

“Yes they do, but for a purpose,” said the bird, “because in due time, these rotting leaves will become part of the soil. These leaves will enrich you. Your roots will drink their nourishment. Causing you to grow and sprout more leaves…”

You Need Trouble To Grow

“Bo, I can’t be grateful for 2011. This was the year my husband left me.”

Or “This was the year our house burned down.”

Or “This was the year I learned I had cancer.”

Or “This was the year my father died.”

I understand. But the Bible says, Give thanks in all circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Yesterday, I was looking back at the year that passed.

I realized something very important. I realized that I grew the most not during the times when everything was smooth. Or the times when everything was going my way. I realized that I grew the most during the times when there was intense trouble. Intense pain. I grew the most when I was attacked from all directions and I couldn’t breathe anymore.

That’s when God stretched me.

I have one word for you about trouble: Get used to it.

Because trouble is the birthplace for your greatest growth.

       Be grateful for the blessings behind your trials.

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

Take The 30-Day Challenge

Many years ago, I drove Dad’s car.

It was a sixteen-year old Mitsubishi Galant. I loved that car. But pretty soon, it was showing its age.   Soon, it was conking out on me. (I noticed that it would conk out on me whenever I thought of replacing it. When I told this to my friend, he said, “When you’re inside your car, never think about replacing it. Because your car can read your thoughts. Magtatampo yan. It will feel hurt—and malfunction more.” What can I say? God has blessed me with very strange friends.)

Each time I’d bring the car to the repair shop, the mechanic would fiddle under its hood, and after a day or two, I’d drive it off again. But after a week or so, something else will break down. (Yes, even if I tried shooing away thoughts of replacing the car.)

One day, I brought it back to the shop. This time, the mechanic opened the hood, shook his head, and said, “Bo, your car needs an overhaul.”

When I heard the word “Overhaul”, I wanted to faint. My entire life flashed in front of me. Because I knew that meant a gigantic amount of money.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote down a list of parts that needed to be replaced. He said, “Your engine is leaking. We need to replace the core of your engine.”

I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer for provision, and told him to do it.

One month later, when I picked up the car, it was like brand new. And I drove it for a few more years and thousands of miles.

Friend, is there an area of your life you want to overhaul?

Is there an area of your life you want fixed? Repaired?

This 2012, I’m praying that God will do a massive overhaul in your lives. I’m praying that God will make you brand new!

To experience a spiritual overhaul, you need four important elements: Purpose, Plan, Practice, and Produce. In the next four weeks, we’ll discuss each of these crucial elements.

And we’ll do something very special during this time…

Take The 30-Day Challenge!

In our 4-part teaching series entitled Overhaul, you’ll receive one of the most potent tools that you can use to change any habit or behavior in your life. The tool is called the 30-Day Challenge.

Perhaps you want to be a more affectionate spouse.

Or you want to remove complaining from your life.

Or you want to wake up earlier each day—so you can exercise, or pray, or write your journal.

Or you want to get rid of smoking.

Whatever change or new habit you want to acquire, the 30-Day Challenge can make it happen for you.

It’s All About Patterns

Haven’t you noticed?

Some people are always making money, while some people are always broke.

Some people are always on time, while some people are always late.

Some people always create happiness wherever they go, while some people create conflict wherever they go.

Some people always achieve their dreams, while some people never achieve their dreams.

Why?

It’s habits. Success and failure aren’t actions. They’re habits.

By the way, here are 7 Rules of the 30-Day Challenge.

Rule 1: Select One Habit

       Don’t try to change 19 things in your life.

       Just choose one habit.

       Choose something simple.

       Because it’s the simple things that will cause a massive difference in your life.

       Perhaps you want to complement your spouse every day for the next 30 days.

Or spend 15 minutes with your child daily for the next 30 days.

Or eat more veggies each day for the next 30 days.

I repeat: Pick one habit only!

       Whatever you pick, make a commitment to do it for 30 Days.

       Here’s the magic of this program: If you can make one change in January, you can change another habit in February, and then another one in March… Do you get the picture? That way, you could make 12 fantastic changes in 2012.

       Isn’t that awesome?

2. Aim For 30 Days

It’s got to be for 30 days.

If you miss one day, promise to go back to Day 1 and start over.

Why 30 Days? 

Two reasons.

First, because that’s what it takes to learn a new habit. According to psychologists, it takes 21 days to create a new pattern in your life. It takes 21 days to create a mental pathway in your brain, so that it becomes easier for you to do it.

So why not call it the 21-Day Challenge instead of a 30-Day Challenge? I don’t want to take chances. 21-Days is the passing mark. 30-Days is the honor mark!

Here’s the second reason why 30 Days only: It’s more doable.

 If someone tells you, “Can you read one hour a day for the rest of your life?”, that can be overwhelming. But if someone tells you, “Can you read one hour a day for the next 30 days?”

All of a sudden, it seems more doable. 

3. Do It Daily

Developing a new habit requires that you do it daily.

I repeat: You have to do it daily. Not 3 or 4 times a week. This is crucial. If it’s an activity that can’t be done daily, then try to choose an “alternate” activity that you can do at the same time. 

For example, if you hit the gym every 5pm to 6pm on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays—why not take a walk around your village at that same time on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday? That way, it’s still a daily experience.

4. Schedule It

Don’t just say, “I’m going to walk daily.”

Say instead, “I’m going to walk at 6AM daily.” That’ll be more powerful.

Don’t just say, “I’m going to make 20 sales calls a day.” 

Say instead, “I’m going to make 20 sales calls a day from 10am to 12noon.”

Doing this little tweak will quadruple your chances of sticking to the habit.

5. Replace It

Empty space doesn’t remain empty for long.

If you remove a bad habit, there’ll be an empty space in your life. If you don’t fill that empty space, the bad habit will come back.

So don’t just try quitting a bad habit. Be sure to replace it with a good habit. 

For example, if you want to quit watching telenovelas, what will you do during those three hours in the evening? Read a book? Learn a musical instrument? Start a business?

6. Study It

Study about the new habit you want to acquire.

Let’s say you want to be more grateful in the next 30 days. Then Google about gratitude. Read articles about it. Look for books on the topic. Talk to friends about the power of gratitude.

And finally…

7. Find Support

Surround yourself with people who already are doing your new habit.

If you want to exercise daily, get your friend or spouse who will do it with you. If you can afford it, get a Physical Trainer.

My friend used to smoke 3 packs a day. Her addiction was so bad, she’d wake up at 3AM just to smoke two sticks—and then she’ll fall back to sleep. Talk about an addiction!

But one day, she really felt it was time to cut the habit. She told me. She told her best friends. She told her Caring Group. (That’s what we call our small groups at the Feast, our spiritual gathering.) And we prayed for her. 

Recently, she texted me, telling me she’s been “smokeless” for 3 years now.

       Friend, go ahead. 

It’s your turn to make revolutionary changes in your life.

Next week, I’ll start talking about the first of the four ingredients of overhauling your life… “Purpose”

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez