Do You Envy?

Remember the story of Cain and Abel?

That’s a story of envy. And it’s the story of the entire human race. It’s a story that is replayed over and over again in families, in organizations, in churches, in offices, in schools…

Cain and Abel were brothers. Cain and Abel offered a sacrifice to God and Abel’s sacrifice was accepted and Cain’s was not. Result? Cain envied Abel and killed him. (Genesis 4:6-8)

       The spirit of Cain is the spirit of envy—and it continues today.

Today, we want to cast out the spirit of Cain from our lives.

Problem: We Don’t Know We’re Envious

Many envious people don’t know they’re envious.

       In fact, right now, you might be tempted not to read, saying, “Nah, not my issue.”

       Actually, envy is as common as the common cold. But it’s as deadly as cancer. It’s like a mental cancer that destroys your life, your relationships, and your happiness.

       I repeat. Often, we don’t know we’re envious.

       Let me give you two examples.

I know of a young woman who fights with her sister all the time. She doesn’t know it, but everyone around her knows she’s envious.

I know of a prayer group leader who is always talking about the mistakes of another prayer group leader. He’s not aware of his envy. But all his friends know. He actually envies this other leader because his prayer group is much larger than his.

Oh yes, envy is alive and well in Church. 

In fact, I’ve seen religious groups split and fight each other simply because one leader was envious of another leader.

But here’s the thing: the leader doesn’t think he’s envious. He thinks he’s correcting the other leader’s pride. He thinks he’s mandated by God Himself to correct this other leader and save the group from total destruction.

But ironically, the very thing that will destroy his group is his own envy. An envy he doesn’t know he has.

Envy is one of the most destructive things on planet earth.

Let me say it again. Envy kills.

The Two Phases Of Envy

       Envy is a green monster that doesn’t begin monstrous.

This monster begins tiny.

I believe there are two phases in the growth of Envy.

Phase 1:

Meron Ka, Bakit Wala Ako?

(Why don’t I have what you have?)

       When I was in Grade School, I remember one of my classmates. His name was Ariel.

       I remember him so well because he had everything I didn’t have. 

For example, his grades were always excellent. 

One day, our teacher distributed our report cards in class. When she gave Ariel’s report card to him, she announced, “All of Ariel’s grades are above 90.” 

When she gave my report card to me, one my classmates shouted, “All of Bo’s grades are below 75.” (Actually, that was a lie. All my grades were below 78. Hmph!)

      

Ariel was also an incredible athlete. You name it—basketball, baseball, football, running—he was the star player.

One day, Ariel saw us playing marbles. He joined the game and beat all of us, bringing home all our marbles.

The next day, he saw a bunch of girls seated playing jackstone. Ariel joined them and beat all of them as well. (He made exhibition tricks with the jackstone that will astound Houdini.)

To top it all, he was also handsome. He had a fans club of girls following him.  At that time, I didn’t know how that felt. (Now I know. J)

As a kid, I asked God many times, “Lord, why did you make Ariel so gifted? And why did you make me so ungifted?”

It was a question I asked for a long time.

It wasn’t like I had zero gifts. I knew I had at least one gift: I knew how to draw well.

One day, our homeroom teacher raffled off our names in class. We picked one classmate and made him a greeting card on the spot.

I smiled.  I knew I was a pretty good illustrator.  So making a greeting card was a cinch. 

I remember drawing Superman in my greeting card.

Finally, when our teacher told us to give our cards to each other, guess who came to me? Ariel. He picked my name. And he handed me his greeting card. When I saw it, my jaw dropped. 

His card was so beautiful, you’d think Hallmark did it. Ariel was ten times better than me in drawing.

To this day, I still remember his card. It had a professionally drawn luxury ship.  It said, “I like blue ships, I like red ships, but most of all, I like friendship.  Ariel.”

Before that day, I wondered if I was the most ungifted person in the entire world. That day, I stopped wondering. I knew without a shadow of a doubt.

I was it.

       I remember asking God, “Lord, why do you love Ariel so much? Why don’t you love me?”

       That’s what Envy is.

It makes you focus on the blessings of the other person.

       In Phase 1 of Envy, we ask, Meron ka, bakit wala ako? (Why don’t I have what you have?)

       In Phase 1 of Envy, we don’t want to kill anyone. I didn’t want to harm Ariel.

       But Phase 1 Envy ends up killing the envier himself.

Envy “Kills” The Envier

I repeat. Envy is mental cancer.

It’s like a tumor that keeps growing until it kills you.

Another analogy: Envy is a lethal, slow-acting poison.

It doesn’t kill you right away. But over time, it kills.

The Bible is so graphic when it describes what envy does to you. It says, envy rots the bones (Proverbs 14:30).

Many psychotherapists say that almost all mental diseases will have envy in its core.

Why does envy kill the envier?

Because envy, once nurtured, always comes with shame.

And shame always kills the spirit.

I should know. I was filled with the spirit of shame for decades. Even to this day, though I’m already free, I still feel the scars left by shame in my heart.

You feel ashamed of yourself because you don’t have what others have. Shame shouts in your ear, “There’s something wrong with you!”

Shame will make you do crazy things, just to get accepted.

Let me tell you about Carla.

Carla was a manager in a bank. And she became friends with some of her rich clients, all successful businesswomen.

Everytime they met, she’d see her friends carry Prada andLouis Vuiton bags.

But all of these were beyond her small paycheck. She felt envious. To keep up with her friends’ lifestyle, she used her 3 credit cards. Before she knew it, she was buried in a huge mountain of debts.

But if we keep on nurturing Envy, it graduates to Phase 2. 

And Phase 2 Envy is even more dangerous.

Phase 2:

Wala Ako, Dapat Wala Ka Rin!

(If I don’t have any, you shouldn’t have any too)

       This is when envy becomes cruel and destructive not only to yourself, but to others. Envy will now kill two people—the envier and the one being envied.

       My analogy: Envy is like a cannibal. But an insane cannibal. He eats others and eats parts of himself as well.

Emily and Pam were both sales agents. But after two years, Pam got promoted as sales manager. Emily was happy for her best friend. Or at least, she pretended to be happy. They even had a little party together to celebrate Pam’s promotion.

       But as the weeks went by, problems came up. Pam couldn’t believe Emily’s transformation. From being her best friend, Emily became her worst enemy. Emily would criticize Pam in front of others. Emily would gossip about her and tell all kinds of lies about her. 

       What was Emily’s problem? Phase 2 Envy.

       Phase 2 Envy is Cain’s Envy. (Genesis 3:2-8)

Cain used a rock and bashed it on his brother’s head. 

We don’t use physical rocks but we use something as deadly—the rocks of our words.

We may not desire his physical death. But we conspire for some kind of death.   What kind? Social death. We want the person we envy to be humiliated. To lose face.

How Do You Know If You Have Envy?

You won’t know if you have envy by asking, “Am I envious?” Because we’re usually blind to our own envy.

Here are three questions to ask to know if you have Phase 2 Envy.

Question 1:

Is There Anyone I Don’t Like?

Sometimes, we don’t like someone because he offended us or hurt us.

But sometimes, we don’t know why we don’t like someone. We can’t explain it. 

This doesn’t automatically mean you have envy. But it means you’ve got to ask the second question.

Question 2:

What Does He Have That I Don’t Have—

But Want To Have?

If the other person has something you don’t have but you want to have, then it’s probably envy.

When a woman envies another woman because she’s sexier, thinner, and more beautiful, she’ll start poking holes on her life or his character. 

“Yes, she’s sexy, but she’s unhappy with her marriage.” Or, “Yes, she’s physically beautiful, but I think she’s very self-centered.”

When it gives you pleasure to criticize the other person, then you can almost be sure you’ve got Phase 2 Envy.

Question 3:

Will I Be Secretly Delighted If He Falls?

You know you’ve got Phase 2 Envy if you secretly delight to hear the falls, faults, fumbles, and failures of the other person. We find delicious satisfaction in knowing he’s getting his just rewards for being “too proud”.

We even spread the “sad” news around. If we’re religious, we justify spreading it around by first saying, “Let’s pray for Sue. The one you see driving a brand new Mercedes? Yes, that’s her. I heard that her marriage is falling apart…”      

Going To The Root Of All Envy

       Envy is only a symptom.

The root of all Envy is Emptiness. 

Envy isn’t about the other person. Envy is always about a deep dissatisfaction with yourself. 

Here’s the point: A person who is happy with himself—and profoundly satisfied with himself—cannot envy others. It’s impossible.

Where does the feeling of emptiness and insecurity come from? It comes from fear. Specifically, the fear of worthlessness.

       And friend, there is only one thing that can fill your emptiness and heal your fear of worthlessness: God’s Love.

Two Powerful Steps To Get Rid Of Envy

Last week, I said that the antidote to impatience is trust in God’s Love.

Today, I’d like to announce to you that the antidote to envy isgratitude for God’s Love.

You show gratitude in two ways. And I believe these are the only two ways to get rid of Envy.

Step One:

 Celebrate Your Abundance

Many years ago, Dad gave me his second hand car.

       It was a wonderful car. It was a 12-year old Mitsubishi Galant,but even if it was old, I still loved it.

       I loved the smooth ride. I loved the cool aircon. I loved the cassette player. (This was really a long time ago.) I loved its powerful engine.

       Even if it was ancient, it never gave me any problems on the road.

       I remember sitting on the driver’s seat, patting it on the dashboard, and uttering, “Thank you Lord for my wonderful car.”

       I was so grateful to God.

       But one morning, my friend came to the house with his a brand new Nissan. He was a salesman and his company gave him the car. He said, “Bo, I’d like you to be the first person to ride my car.”

       We took it for a spin. 

       Man, the ride was fantastic. You’d think there were no bumps on the road. And I almost froze inside—the aircon was really strong. And the stereo sounds were superb, it was like Gary V was in the car with us, singing his songs live.

And most importantly, it had that new car smell. 

Ahhh….

That day, when I went back to my old car, I had a problem.

All of a sudden, it wasn’t so wonderful anymore. 

I could feel the bumps on the road that I didn’t feel before. I now could hear squeaking sounds that I didn’t hear before. 

And the smell—it had that old car smell! (I could smellTinapa!)

Instantly, my gratitude was gone.

But when I noticed the lack of gratitude within me, I stopped the car, closed my eyes, placed my hand on my dashboard, and started thanking God for what I had.

I began to recount the blessings of having a car.

Slowly, feelings of gratitude returned.

From my experience, when you’re grateful, you’re satisfied with what you have. And when you’re satisfied with what you have, envy will have a hard time finding a foothold in your heart.

When you’re grateful for God’s blessings in your life, slowly, you’ll be grateful for God’s blessings in the lives of others too.

I also did something else: I started thanking God for my friend’s brand new car. I prayed that his job be blessed even more.

And that brings us to Step Two.

Step Two:

 Celebrate Their Abundance

       Be genuinely happy for other people’s successes.

       Share in their joy. Share in their victory.

In fact, I don’t want you just to be happy when it happens.

I encourage you to pray that it happens.

Pray that your officemates get the promotion, your single friends get married, your siblings get good breaks. 

When you do this, something magical will happen to your life. Because there’s a Law in the universe that states that what you give, you’ll receive in abundance. (Luke 6:38)

Here’s what I believe: If you envy the blessings that other people receive, you’re driving away those blessings from your life. But if you’re genuinely grateful for the blessings other people receive, you’ll attract those exact same blessings into your life more easily.

Once you experience this genuine happiness for others, that’s the day you know that you’re free from envy.

And this is where other people’s success becomes a real inspiration. “If he can do it, I can do it too.”

Is There Such A Thing As Positive Envy?

Someone asked me, “Bo, isn’t there some type of positive envy? For example, when you see your friend’s business booming, you work hard so that your business will boom too?”

Perhaps it’s not envy but encouragement.

It’s easy to know if it’s envy or encouragement.

       Do you wish him ill? Or do you wish him well?

       If you wish him ill, then it’s envy. But if you wish him well (that he prospers more in his life so you’ll even be more inspired), then it’s encouragement.

Encouragement says, “If he can do it, I can do it too.”

       Envy says, “Who does he think he is?”

       Envy comes with anger. Encouragement comes with an abundance mindset—that there’s more than enough for everyone.

You Need To Believe In Abundance

I got this analogy from Brian Kim’s blog.

       Imagine watching a movie with a very large bucket of popcorn. The bucket is so large, it’s as big as a bathtub. (Okay, slightly smaller, or you won’t fit on your seat.)

       When you pick up the first kernel, it slips through your fingers and falls on the dirty floor of the movie house.

       Question: Will you pick it up and eat it? I doubt it. Because there’s still a gigantic bucket of popcorn in front of you.

       This is what I mean by having an abundance mindset. 

When your friends get blessed, it doesn’t lessen your chance of being blessed. Because you don’t live in a limited universe.  In God’s Kingdom, there is no scarcity of blessings.  There is only abundance. The universe is a giant bucket of blessings that will never run out.

Envy lives in a universe of scarcity.

Love lives in a universe of abundance.

In fact, I’m praying that all of you become wealthy in every area of your life!

Be free from envy.

And truly love.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

How To Deal With Your Temper

       Do you lose your temper quickly?

       When you’re caught in traffic, do you lose your cool?

       Do you have shouting matches with your spouse?

       Do you yell at your kids often?

       Do you use degrading language?

       Do you not speak to people you’re angry with for days, weeks, or even months?

       If your answer is “Yes” to some of these questions, then you have a problem with patience. And you need to hear what I’m going to say today.

       Here’s my big message for you today:  Impatience means you lack trust in God. Many times, you’re impatient because you take matters in your hands. If you want to be patient, learn to take matters into God’s hands. (If you don’t understand this yet, it’s okay. By the end of this article, you will.)

       Let me tell you about two men who were blowing their top…

Two Very Angry Brothers

       I love this very human story.

       Jesus was being rejected by a Samaritan Town. And James and John were so angry at them, they asked, Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them? (See Luke 9:52-56)

James and John were so angry, they wanted to massacre an entire town. They wanted to kill men, women, and children. Including cute babies.  Fry them all to a crisp.

In the brothers’ minds, it was their right to be angry.   To them, this was righteous anger.   Why? These Samaritans were making the most horrendous mistake of their lives. They were rejecting Jesus, the Son of the Living God.

       So they said, “Kill ‘em, Lord!”

       Here’s an important point: An angry person always thinks it’s his right that he should get angry. In his mind, it’s perfectly justifiable.

       But what did Jesus do?

       He rebuked them.

       Perhaps he said to them, “Look guys, once upon a time, you were hard-headed too. You were as obstinate and foolish as they were. But God didn’t throw fiery comets at you. He was patient with you.  You should do the same.”

Where Does Your Impatience Come From?

Let me tell you another story.

One day, a husband and wife were at home eating breakfast.

Right in front of the wife was their window, and through it, she could see her neighbor hanging clothes in the clothesline.

“Look at those clothes! Their dirty!” she told her husband. “Does she even use detergent? My goodness.”

The next day, as they sat at the table eating breakfast, she saw the same scene again. She said, “I can’t believe how dirty those clothes are. Someone has to teach that woman how to do the laundry!”

And for the next few days, she kept criticizing her neighbor.

But after a month, as they ate breakfast, she looked through the window and was surprised to see very white, clean clothes. “It’s a miracle!” the wife told her husband, “Our neighbor finally learned how to wash clothes!”

The husband smiled. “Not really. Finally, this morning, I cleaned our windows…”

Patience is not an external problem. 

Patience is always an internal problem. 

Circumstances don’t cause your impatience. Traffic doesn’t cause your impatience. Your unruly child doesn’t cause your impatience.

You cause your impatience.

You need to wash your windows.

Where Does Your Impatience Come From?

Impatience comes from your desire to control things that you have no control over.

James and John wanted to control the Samaritans. When they couldn’t, they got angry.

When you tell little Junior, “Take a bath!” and he dillydallies, you get impatient because you’re not in control.

When a mammoth traffic builds up, you get impatient because you’re not in control.

When the lines in the mall are extra long, you get impatient because you’re not in control.

Don’t get me wrong. The desire to control, by itself, isn’t bad. God gave you the power to control a few things.   For example, parents need to be in control of their home. And managers need to control their companies.

You just need to know the difference between what you can control and what you can’t…

What Do You Control?

       There are two Areas in your life: The Area of Control and the Area of Concern. You need to know the difference.

       Your Area of Control is very small compared to your Area of Concern. At the end of the day, you can only control one thing: Yourself. 

Many times, you can’t control the stimuli around you. But you control your response to that stimuli.

Stephen Covey says that between stimuli and response, there’s a gap. That gap is your power.

Here’s one example.

What’s Your Response To People’s Faults?

Question: Are you surrounded by people who have faults?

If you are, then you need to listen to this verse from the Bible:Make allowance for each other’s faults…(Colossians 3:13) 

You can’t control people’s faults. But you can control your response to those faults.

How? Expect imperfection. Do this one thing and you’ll remove many of your frustrations. Your relationships will be happier.

Learn to live with the imperfection of people.

Speaking about imperfection, let me share about my marriage…

My Marriage Is Fantastic

I have a fantastic marriage. Not perfect. But fantastic.  Reason?  My wife and I have accepted each other’s imperfections. 

For example, it takes me 5 minutes to get dressed. 

But it takes my wife two hours. 

In the first three years of our marriage, this fact bothered me so much. 

I’d sit in the car, enduring the agony of waiting for her. I’d grip the steering wheel so hard, if it weren’t made of steel, it would have become a pretzel. I’d grit my teeth, muttering to myself, “Why in the world does she take so much time?” 

But for ten years now, the situation has totally changed.

Mind you, she didn’t change.  She still takes 2 hours to dress.

But I’ve changed. I’ve washed my window. I’ve accepted that as part of marrying a beautiful woman.

So what if we’re a little late? It’s not the end of the world.

Oh yes, I still sit in the car and wait for her. But I no longer endure it. I enjoy it. I enjoy the quiet. When she finally gets in the car, I say, “Hi, gorgeous…”

       One more example…

How Do You Respond To Traffic

You can’t control the traffic.  (Unless you happen to work as a traffic cop.)

       Traffic belongs to your Area of Concern.

What can you control? You can control your response to the traffic.   Are you going to blow your top or are you going to enjoy the traffic?  That’s up to you.

Call me crazy, but I’ve learned to enjoy traffic. When there’s traffic, I take it as a gift from God to slow me down. To chat with the other passengers. To listen to an inspiring audiotalk. To plan for a project. And if I’m not driving, to catch up on my reading.

If you want to become a patient person, you need to do 3 very important things…

Emergency Steps: Stop, Look, & Listen

If you have problems with your temper, and you feel your anger brewing within you, you want to Stop, Look, and Listen.

Step 1: Stop

Are you about to explode?

Count one to ten.

Count one to ten thousand if necessary. 

The important thing is to stop what your anger wants you to do at that precise moment.  (I know of a few people who’re in jail now because they obeyed their anger.)  

I know stopping isn’t easy. Someone told me it’s like stopping a landslide when the rocks are already falling.

In psychology, they call this a “pattern interrupt”. Do something so unexpected, it’ll short-circuit your brain pattern. Take a walk. Go out and exercise. Slap yourself. Laugh!

Close your eyes, inhale, and breathe in God’s Love.

Visualize you’re in a lovely beach or forest or mountaintop.

Most of all, pray.

That’s what I mean by “Stop”.

Don’t obey your anger. Don’t send that angry email. Don’t send that angry text. Don’t shout that angry word. 

Believe me, if you do, you’ll regret it forever.

You’ll Regret Saying Your Angry Words

I read a story of a boy who had a bad temper. 

His father told him, “Son, every time you’re angry, get a nail and hammer it on the fence.” 

The son did as instructed.

On the first day, he hammered 37 nails on their wooden fence. But as the days went by, he hammered fewer nails each day. He realized it was easier to tame his anger than hammer nails.

Finally, a day came when he didn’t hammer a single nail. The boy went to his father and told him the good news. “Dad, I’m able to control my anger already.”

The father said, “Congratulations son. I’m happy for you. Come, let’s remove the nails from the fence.”

As the son pulled out the last nail from the wooden fence, the father said, “Son, do you see what I see?”

“Nail holes,” the son said, “Lots of them.”

The father looks him in the eye and says, “Son, next time you want to say angry words, remember this fence. Even if you apologize later, angry words leaves a scar in the hearts of people. Even if you’re forgiven, that scar remains for a long time.”

Just stop.

The Bible says, Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19-20)

Here’s the second step…

Step 2: Look

Look for God in the difficult situation.

Specifically, look for God’s Love.

Look for Him loving you at that moment of testing.

Look for His Presence in this irritating situation or annoying person.

One day, my flight to Cebu was delayed for 4 hours. 

When the announcement was made over the loud speakers, everyone around me in the airport grumbled loudly. And the complaining didn’t stop. About missed meetings. About lost time. About being stuck in the airport.

Delayed flights aren’t in my Area of Control. It’s in my Area of Concern. And I repeat, anything in my Area of Concern are things I need to entrust to God’s Love. I need to believe that God is doing something behind the scenes, working all things for my good. (Romans 8:28)

So I had a totally different reaction.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I saw God in that situation. In my mind, God was giving me an unexpected 4-hour vacation. 

I was like a little kid on Christmas, excited to open a huge gift-wrapped box.  I read my book; made new friends; wrote a new article; called up my wife; I even walked around the airport for my daily exercise.

It was a beautiful surprise gift from God.

I loved it so much, when I have a flight today, I sometimes secretly wish it were delayed. 

So just in case you have a flight, and it gets delayed, look for me in the airport. (Sorry, my wishes are powerful.)

Finally, the third step…

Step 3: Listen

Listen to God’s instructions.

Ask the big question: What’s the wise thing to do? 

       Some people think being patient means being passive.

Not true. You can be patient and proactive at the same time.

One day, my friend was in a bank with a very long line. How long? He said he was waiting in the cue for 30 minutes. And all the customers were complaining. 

       Instead of grumbling like everyone else, my friend respondedwith action. He looked for the manager, and simply (patiently) asked if she could add tellers.

       She actually did. She added two more tellers—and instantly, that one long line became three short lines.

       In your Area of Control, you control. But in your Area of Concern, you influence.

       How? Through patient action.     

       Let me give you another example of patient action…

A Word To Parents With Temper Problems

Are you a parent with a short fuse?

Let me guess. So far, your temper has been a disaster. It hasn’t worked. Your anger has failed in training your kids.

You’ve learned that no amount of shouting works.

So here’s my suggestion. Change your strategy.

Let me give you God’s wisdom.

I read Kevin Leman’s book, Have A New Kid By Friday. He gives fantastic advice. Basically, he tells parents not to get angry when kids misbehave. 

He explains why…

Children Don’t Listen To Anger,

They Listen To Action

Let me give you an example from Kevin Leman.

4-year old Julio is at the back of the car, throwing a temper tantrum. He screams, “I hate you Mommy!”

Mommy, instead of using anger, uses action.

A few minutes after they arrive home, Julio goes to the kitchen. He looks for his milk and cookies—and it’s not there.  At that point, his quiet world is discombobulated.  Because kids are creatures of habit. Every afternoon, Mommy always prepares milk and cookies. 

So Julio goes to his mother and asks, “Mommy, where are my milk and cookies?”

Very calmly, mommy says, “No milk and cookies today.” She then turns around and walks away. (This step is very important.)

Little Julio runs after her. (Kids always do.) He asks, “Why Mommy? Why? Why? Why?”

This is a teachable moment. This is when he is actually open to what Mommy has to say.   She says, “Because I didn’t like what you did in the car. You had a temper tantrum. (Mommy acts it out just to make it clearer to the little guy.) And you said, ‘I hate you, Mommy.’ That hurt me very much.”

By this time, little Julio is bawling, “I’m so sorry Mommy! I won’t do it again.”

Mommy says, “I forgive you, Julio.” She hugs him.

That’s when Julio whimpers, his big eyes filled with giant tears, “Mommy, can I have my milk and cookies now?”

Here’s the secret sauce of this powerful action. Mommy says, “No milk and cookies today. You’ll have it tomorrow.”

Believe me, Julio will never forget the lesson.

Why? Because kids don’t listen to your anger. 

They listen to action. 

And you only have to do this once or twice. He’ll never throw another temper tantrum again.

Let me end…

Relax And Trust In God’s Love More

       I repeat: Impatience comes from lack of trust in God’s Love.

       How come? You become impatient because of a desire to control things you have no control over.

But where does this desire to control come from?

Sometimes, it comes from love. A genuine concern for others.

But many times, it comes from fear.

I’ve noticed that many times, subconscious fear is the fuel of our impatience. 

And our greatest fear is the fear of worthlessness.

I know that sounds deep.

But it’s really very simple.

Often, the fear of worthlessness causes your impatience.

Let me give you an example.

One day, a mother came up to me and shared to me her total frustration with her daughter. She said, “Her grades are so bad. She spends hours on the phone. And she looks horrible with her black lipstick and black nail polish. Her boyfriend looks like smelly bum. Oh Bo, there’s not a day when I don’t shout at her!”

I asked her this question. “Why are you angry?”

“Because… because she’s not acting right! I mean, what will others say? That I’m not a good mother?”

Aha. There lies the real reason for her rage.

The fear of “what other people will say…”

In other words, it’s the fear of social death.

It’s the fear of worthlessness that’s driving her anger.

       That is why, I believe that the ultimate solution to impatience is trusting in God’s Love.

       When you know you’re totally, completely, and absolutely loved by God, you know there’s nothing else to prove. 

       You relax.

       Impatience drains out of your system.

       Why was I so angry at my wife because her long preparation time? When I dug deeper, I realized that it was because I was afraid of people telling me, “Bo is late for our meeting. What a terrible example…”

       But then the switch came in my heart. When I realized I was totally, completely, and perfectly loved—I knew I was whole. I didn’t need anyone’s good opinion about me to make me whole.

       There was nothing to prove. I found I no longer cared about what other said about me. Fear was gone. I began to relax in God’s Love. And my impatience vanished as well.

       Because perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

      

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez